Confessions Of A Manic Madman

As If Nothing Happened

2006-10-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

Boy Meets Boy.

Boy Fell In Love With Boy.

Boy Had Problems With Boy.

Boys Went Separate Ways.

Typical. But you know what?

I would continue from entertaining invites to meet other people, as if they are all worthy of my precious time.

I would never stop my heart from loving someone new, as if I never got burned.

Why?

Because a failed relationship and/or heartbreak should never affect our ability to love and diminish our chances of being loved in return.

I have no desire whatsoever to talk more about what really happened. It's like I'm skipping an entire chapter from my life story. But it's okay. It's perfectly fine with me. I couldn't care less.

Hogwash 2

2005-11-07T18:42:00.000-08:00

Last month, I said that I was very excited about the latest Madonna album 'Confessions On A Dance Floor' that's due on the 14th of this month. Well, I've heard the first single off it called 'Hung Up' where a really old Abba song was sampled and to say that I was disappointed would be an understatement. I never liked it the first time, and even after seeing on TRL the video where she made a tribute to John Travolta's Saturday Night Fever, I still find it kinda unlikeable. I hope it's just the bitchy me who's at work in here and that the reason why I hated it is simply because my taste has just took a temporary nosedive. I really, really like Madonna a lot and it would make me happy if her CD would do well.

I also just got hold of Alanis Morissette's latest CD which is actually a rehash-slash-tribute to her multi-platinum album 'Jagged Little Pill' and boy, it sucked big time. Alanis should have known better that it would be career-suicide re-doing the album. And the head honcho of Maverick Records, Madonna, very busy I guess with her new studio album, definitely made a wrong decision by giving Alanis the go-signal. Seriously, what were you two bitches thinking? The original album was an instant favorite, an instant classic, if I may say so. It showcased the musicality of a woman who was full of honesty and angst yet surprisingly vulnerable. And listening to the new album, I can't help but ask: who the fuck is this woman whining all over the place, sounding as if she was drunk or something? But to be fair, there were three, yes, only three, songs that stood out, meaning transcended their original recordings: Head Over Feet (but, honestly, I have never heard a bad version of this song), Not The Doctor and the refreshingly sweet, albeit obsessive 'Your House'. Better luck next time, Miss Morissette, but that pill was just way tooo bitter to swallow.

III

I posted this entry with the love of my life beside me, also busily posting on his own blogsite. I really, really love this person, he is so kind, and loving, and giving, and sexual, in random order, thank you very much. Okay, okay, I'm pathetically in love. So sue me. For all I care.

Enough said.

Meeting Jitters

2005-10-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

October 1, 2005

2:16 P.M.

Bertrand (thru SMS) : Hi! How are you? Il be traveling for Manila by tomorrow afternoon. Il be staying for 2-3 days. If you would want us to meet, let me know. Take care.

Patrick: We'll b going 2 Bulacan 2morrow 4 d birthday of our inaanak. Bhala n. I would like 2 accompany u 2 buy pirated DVDs. What time r u arriving? Where would u b staying?

B: Il be there at around 9-10 in the evening. Will be staying at my cousin's place in Makati.

Bertrand (from Baguio City) and I (from Quezon City) entered into a long-distance relationship on July 5, 2005. He was scheduled to go to Manila and we were supposed to meet (for the first time) third week of September. But certain things and events happened that led to the demise of our relationship on September 12, 2005. So, naturally, I was surprised to find out that his trip was pushing through. And, to be honest, I was no longer excited at the prospect of seeing him in person.

4:56 P.M.

P: Lets meet Tuesday. Mga b4 lunch para mejo matagal. Punta tyo s mga pirata. Then we can have lunch and/or watch a movie s Gateway Mall, if u want. A-absent n lang ako that day.

B: Ok. Il be seeing you by then. Txt txt nlang. Take care.

October 3, 2005

9:08 A.M.

B: Manila n ako. Just aryvd lst nyt. Gud morning & hav a gr8 day ahead.

I texted back and asked him to call me at the office for details of our meeting. We decided to meet at National Bookstore Super Branch in Cubao since it is just beside Gateway Mall.

October 4, 2005

11:59 A.M.

B: Hi! Toxic p rn yata dyan. If u want we cn resked nlang.

I asked him to call me at home for some last-minute changes on the details of our meeting. He told me we would forgo buying pirated DVDs due to time constraints because we would be meeting a friend of his at a certain cafe bar in T. Morato later that night. I have also implied, indirectly though, that he should not expect anything sexual to happen between us since I won't be inviting him over to spend the night at my place.

4:18 P.M.

B: Im on my way.

P: Ditto.

4:56 P.M.

P: Where r u n?

B: Megamall.

P: Traffic?

B: Slight traffic, yes. You're there n b?

P: Yup.

5:30 P.M.

B: Im here at d entrance. Wer u?

P: S top flr.

B: Wat u wearn?

P: Just find me.

I positioned myself behind a rack of books fronting the escalator and waited with bated breath. Then it hit me. Fuck. This is it. Bertrand, in the flesh. Finally. Oh, shit.

And then I saw him.

My initial thoughts? He's not skinny. He's fair-skinned. He's cute. Oh.My.God! He is my type! And, no small thanks to me, we're no longer a couple! I'm so fucking stupid to have made such a hasty decision of letting him go.

To Be Continued.....

Hogwash

2005-09-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

This November, Madonna will be releasing her next studio album aptly titled 'Confessions On A Dance Floor'. The title's kinda familiar, don't you think? Anyways, I can't fucking wait.

Sam, that new guy in Pinoy Big Brother sure looks hot! I'm fucking drooling. Chx, you bitch, get your hands off my property!

III

Bertrand (the guy I was having a long-distance relationship with) and I just broke up. But I'm not a bit sad, maybe because I know it's for his own good. Sorry if it didn't work out, hon. I sure tried my darndest best and I did love you. It's just that I'm really a dork and a jerk rolled into one. You really can't teach old dogs new tricks. Please forgive me. Better luck next time for the two of us, I guess. Again, I'm truly sorry.

Plot Thickens

2005-09-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

A lot of things are going on at the office right now. There are a lot of movements, forward, backwards, people getting bypassed, people getting provoked, friendships getting tested and loyalties are now getting questioned. Saboteurs are having a field day.

I just hope that when all this is through, all of us would come out of it unscathed, proving to one and all that our friendships survive not just the test of time, but also the test of decency.

Friends, let us not just be happy with each other, let's also be happy for each other.

My Top 10 List

2005-09-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

For starters, let me say that I am not a Movie/TV Critic. But since this is my blogsite, I think I have all the right to come up with my very own Top 10 List. So here goes, in random order:

Top 10 Performances

1. Meryl Streep in Marvin's Room

2. Emma Thompson in Love Actually

3. Glenn Close in Dangerous Liaisons

4. Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting

5. Holly Hunter in The Piano

6. Natalie Portman in Closer

7. Scarlett Johansson in Lost In Translation

8. Javier Camara in Talk To Her

9. Tony Leung in Happy Together

10. Fernanda Montenegro in Central Station

Top 10 Films

1. Good Will Hunting

2. Closer

3. Happy Together

4. American Beauty

5. Serendipity

6. The Hours

7. The End Of The Affair

8. Lost In Translation

9. The Rules Of Attraction

10. Y Tu Mama Tambien

Top 10 TV Shows

1. Queer As Folk

2. Sex And The City

3. Dawson's Creek

4. Will & Grace

5. Tru Calling

6. Wasteland

7. The Amazing Race

8. Survivor

9. Temptation Island

10. F

Only Lonely

2005-08-22T13:04:00.000-07:00

I must admit, I'm lonely. A friend is leaving town and I know I'm gonna miss him terribly. He'd definitely be back, but, still it could not suffice for the loneliness I feel. There's a song with a line that says, "being under the same sky, wishing on the same stars, looking at the same moon", or something to that effect. Whatever, i think it's bullshit. I want him here, physically present, just within reach.

Saying goodbye is like holding a double-edged sword. You can't help but cry because it hurts like hell.

Sure, you can analyze all you want, you can be presented with every possible psychobabble bullshit available to somehow lessen the pain, but, still it is an experience you wouldn't like to happen in your life on a regular basis.

Fuck. This post is making me lonelier.

(V)Idiotic

2005-08-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago, someone was supposed to enter the MTV VJ Hunt so he prepared to make a video presentation of himself. He enlisted the help of a friend, R, his fuckbud, actually, who happens to have a videocam. R laughed when he learned about the purpose of the shoot and told him that he should not waste both their time since MTV only get models for the job. And that he has a better, much better, idea.

He was naive and was horny as hell. It was too late for him to realize that they were a lethal combination.

So there he was: jerking-off, being jerked-off, jerking R off, getting head, giving head, then fucking R's brains out as if there was no tomorrow.

And now they are estranged. Fortunately, the sole copy of the tape is in his possession. Unfortunately, he has misplaced it. But he vows that the moment he gets hold of it, he would finally get rid of that incriminating piece of shit the soonest possible time.

Naivete. Immaturity. 'Horniness'. These are not excuses. What the fuck was I thinking?

Inviting Trouble

2005-08-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Hereunder is a song played during the end credits of Episode 11 of Queer As Folk Season 4. I never got to know its title and recent events prompted me to call it 'My Biscuit Song' *chuckle*. I think it is a goodbye song that is devoid of bitterness *sigh*.

I won't leave you out of my will,

But I will leave you out of my mind.

For now.

I won't be there to break your sweet heart,

But not being there might break your sweet heart.

You are my joy.

If I could cradle you into my arms,

I would cradle you tight in my arms.

Always.

So don't be scared of all the hurtful words,

'Cause in the end they'll hurt themselves much more.

You are my joy.

Reality Check

2005-08-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

Just last night, the BIR Girls Charities, Inc. in cooperation with the Federation of Filipino-Chinese Chambers of Commerce and Industry, Inc. (whew!) held a charity concert at Crossroad77 Convention Center. Proceeds are for scholarship grants to financially-deprived but deserving youths. Nina, King, Nyoy Volante, Erik Santos, The Company and Lea Salonga were among those who performed.

I am not a part of the BIR Girls Charities, Inc., but as someone who's working for the Bureau of Internal Revenue, I would like to commend all of the artists and everybody who provided their support and services for this worthy undertaking.

By the way, I nearly lost my sanity when I heard the first few strains of 'On My Own'. A voice, reminiscent of an angel's, was then heard, and I suddenly thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Alas, it was Ms. Salonga singing. She followed it up with 'Tomorrow'. Whoa. To say that she's excellent would be an understatement.

Two Deaths and a Prayer

2005-08-09T12:55:00.000-07:00

Last week, the son of a former officemate died in a car accident. He was in his late 20s. Last night, as I was watching Season 4 of Queer As Folk on DVD, one of the minor characters, Uncle Vic, died, while Brian was diagnosed with testicular cancer.

It got me thinking about my own mortality. You see, I have subjected myself and my body, for that matter, to different kinds of abuse: late nights, booze, drugs, sex. And I suddenly realized that I have been living in the fast lane for the past 14 years or so, and that I was unknowingly courting death in the process. And it was all for nothing. Because I may have tried almost anything, yet I feel hollow and empty. I'm like a broken pitcher, its contents aimlessly dripping away.

I closed my eyes, and surprising even myself, I said a prayer and thanked the Lord for the gift of life. MY life.

I'm not afraid of death. Just not now. Not yet, anyways.

Post Script:

A fortune teller once told me that I'm gonna commit suicide in the near future. Duh!

Dastardly Demands

2005-08-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

A lot of people tried, but only five made it. I really don't know why I am making this list public, but these are the things one should do, for me to fall head-over-heels in love:

1. Tell me you love me.

Say it to my face, use the phone, call me up, text me, I don't care. Just tell me, every-fucking-day.

2. Put up with my insecurities.

Prepare to answer these random questions:

a. Am I good-looking?

b. Am I smart?

c. Am I a good kisser?

d. Am I good in bed?

e. Am I a good fuck?

f. Do I make you happy?

g. Do I make you horny?

h. Do I have a big dick?

Note: You SHOULD answer the above-mentioned questions in the AFFIRMATIVE.

3. Accept me for what I am.

I babytalk when I'm with the one I love. But make me angry, and you will hear a lot of swearing and a lot of cuss words. I also tend to be sarcastic and verbally abusive at times.

Factoid: I was a blue baby. I was born two months before the bitch's due date. My relatives said that that was the rational explanation for my daily mood swings.

4. Satisfy my carnal desires.

Be there when I need you, be there when I don't.

Suck me if I'm horny, or let me fuck you if you won't.

Need I say more? 'Nuff said.

Birthday Blah

2005-07-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, E! You're never forgotten. You will always be THE one. Have a nice life. Mwah!

My Mom, The Bitch

2005-07-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

For the longest time, my mom, after religiously belittling my present job, has been bugging me to pack my things up and go to the States where she's now based. She even gave me a lecture masquerading as an (unsolicited) advice and/or pointers on how to successfully procure a US Visa.

I've been turning her down ever since, partly, because everytime she asks me, I happen to be in love with someone I can't bear to leave behind, or so I thought.

But, mainly, it is because we never really liked each other. My parents separated when I was 3; I am the spitting image of my dad, so naturally, she hated everything about me.

Up to now, I still could not forget the day when she left word with my cousin that she would no longer support my studies financially, simply because she could no longer tolerate and put up with my rebellious nature. I was dumbfounded! I may have been the official blacksheep of the family, but she's not exactly 'Mother Of The Year', damn her.

My relatives helped but it was just not enough. I had to go out with a lot of people just to get past college. Fortunately, these kind-hearted bastards tried their might for me not to feel like a whore. But they used me, nevertheless.

I have no regrets, whatsoever. For all it's worth, it made me value money and education.

I finished school without her help, and now she had the temerity and the gall to tell me what to do with my life?

I have 3 words, mom - "Fuck you, bitch".

Fast Forward.

On certain nights, I try to evaluate and re-evaluate my existence. And it always comes down to this realization: I was not just screwed by other people, I also fucked myself up. Badly. Then, I cry myself to sleep.

Abstract #1 - Regrettably Stupid

2005-07-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

I opened a door and entered. Pitch black. Darkness everywhere. I decided to leave.

I opened another door and entered. Bright illumination. Enjoying my stay so far, strained eyes, notwithstanding.

Weeks passed and I accidentally came across Door #1. Again. The lure of darkness was too much for me to resist. Succumbed and made this realization: I was born to be in the dark forever.

It was absolutely dumb. And I would forever regret that lapse in judgment.

Losing My Mind

2005-07-12T12:12:00.000-07:00

There's no drama in my life right now. Just bliss. Being in love, truly, has its perks. Yes, I happen to be in love. I'm in a long-distance relationship with Bertrand. I thought it would never materialize but I decided to give it a shot because I felt 'it'. I felt love seeping from every pore of my body, manifesting in the way I behave and how I go about my daily life. It's also pretty much evident in the words I utter and presumably, in the words I write.

But the best part of it is: he loves me more! I never thought it's possible to be in love with someone you couldn't be more in love with, then realizing he actually loves you more than you love him. I am such a lucky bastard to have found him.

What's ironic, though, is the fact that I can't seem to get my thoughts organized to compose a single decent posting for my blogsite. He is all I could ever think about. This is fucking crazy! I hate, loathe and abhor the fact that my beloved blogsite is taking the backseat. But who says I'm complaining? I'm fucking in love and loving every fucking minute of it.

My Poetic Justice

2005-07-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

Remember M, my online friend I was guilty of 'Love At No Sight'? Nothing actually happened with that episode. It was just like a senseless dream and all I remembered after waking up were blurry visions. Of course, it would be crapshit if I'd say I no longer have feelings for him. It was just a case of the bad outweighing the good. There were simply lots of false hopes, unfulfilled promises, numerous lies and a handful of deceptions involved. And no, I'm not talking about our Cheater-President, thank you very much.

Anyways, let me introduce another friend, Bertrand. I met him online a week before meeting M but it's only now that he got my full and undivided attention. You see, Bertrand made his presence felt just by being extra nice. He frequently visits here and he always, always has encouraging words to say. He's also into poetry and with that, he never fails to calm my troubled soul and soothe my flayed nerves.

I revisited his profile, checked out his photos and realized he doesn't look bad, he looks good, actually. I made our communication lines active, but not to the point of asking for his mobile number. Then, the time came that I so wanted to text him badly, I almost tasted it. But before I could ask for his number, he e-mailed me a message asking for my digits. I took that as a sign that we mutually like each other.

But of course, there's a catch. There's always a fucking catch! He is not from Metro Manila. He is actually from the far north, working for an Events Management Group. Shit! The fucking ironies of love. But I'm pretty much willing to take the risk. Anyways, he would just be the second person I'm gonna be having a long-distance relationship with, if ever. I even told him that I'm gonna pay him a surprise visit one of these days. Yes, I'm gonna travel a thousand miles. All in the name of love. That is, if he won't beat me to it.

All these further reiterated my personal belief that we may have to kiss a lot of frogs before we could finally find our prince. Or to put it more bluntly, we may have to fuck a lot of butts before we could finally find the perfect butthole.

Fearless

2005-06-29T13:15:00.000-07:00

There was a time, not too long ago, when I thought I was 'King Of The World'. There never was a day that I didn't have a date and there never was a night that I didn't get laid. I even dabbled in three-ways, until I got addicted to group sex.

But I guess, as time passes by, people change. I, for one, changed. My priorities now are radically different from what they were, a year ago. Gone are the days when all that matters is for anyone to suck my dick and then for me to fuck him senseless afterwards.

Now, all I want is to prove that I am not just about sex. That I'm also capable of loving someone without expecting anything in return, except love in its purest form.

I'm not yet there, but believe me, I'm on my fucking way, and, before you know it, back to being King.

Reading Between Lines

2005-06-21T14:50:00.000-07:00

This little-known Wilson Philips song describes, quite truthfully, a certain dark phase in my life which was kind of sensitive, the reason why I can't afford to be overly specific with this post.

Where Are You?

I'm all grown-up but somehow it feels like I'm pretending.

Visions of my younger years, they are there.

But the scenes that play inside of me are impending, they are neér-ending.

Where, where, where, where, where are you?

You don't have to look out that window, anymore.

You can come back to yourself, you can come back to this world.

Where are you?

Tell me who hurt you and where are you (now)?

He let me in to his room and had me lay down my heart and my soul.

And anything else that you could own when you're six years old.

Now, I'm older.

Such a quiet secret, it hurt too much tryin' hard to keep it.

Oh and I looked up to you.

I wanted so much to believe in you, I wanted so much for you to believe in me.

Oh, I tried... I tried.

Where, where, where, where, where are you?

You don't have to look out anymore.

I don't have to look at that window, anymore.

I can come back to myself, I can come back to this world.

But where are you?

Tell me who hurt you and where are you now?

Where are you?

Tell me who hurt you.

I was a smart kid, but there were things a five-year old couldn't explain, things he couldn't fully comprehend. It used to puzzle me no end. I knew that it was wrong and I had an inkling that I was being violated, but why was it giving me so much pleasure?

Too young to fight and stand up for myself, I pointed an accusing finger on me. I began to question my whole being. My actions, innocent as they were, then, were never spared. I made myself believe that it was through my own doing, basically my fault, and that I was actually asking for it, unconsciously begging to be used.

Now, I'm all grown-up, a smartass who's matured for his age, but is actually a confused little boy. I'm still searching for answers to questions I can't possibly verbalize, however good my conversational skills may be

But this I can say with finality: Time does not heal all wounds, it only softens the blow and blurs the memories.

Endings Are Beginnings

2005-06-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

You turned my world upside-down. You shook it violently, I got reduced to a whimpering crybaby, devoid of pride and shame.

My world needed order. Instead, there's more chaos. I needed direction. Instead, there's more confusion. I'm this little lost boy who can't seem to find his way home, indefinitely trapped in a malfunctioning rollercoaster ride.

I have to do something. Fast. I'm choosing to end this madness. I will start anew.

My suspicion is correct. You are the Anti-Christ. Fuck you. I hate you because I love you.

Someone broke-up with me with this letter. It was 'sanitized' and a bit 'glamorized' to protect the innocent. A-hem.

Bottomline? I think my karmic retribution is just around the corner. Karma has found my way. Again.

Bitch.

Numbered Fucks

2005-06-13T20:10:00.001-07:00

"Hi. I'm Bachelor #1. Sex God. I have had 18 serious relationships. Multiply that by 50 and you'll have the total number of my flings. Multiply that again by 100 and you'll get the total number of my one-night stands."

Impressive. Or is it?

"Hi. I'm Bachelor #2. Love Machine. I have had a number of serious relationships, lots of flings and numerous one-night stands."

Wimpy. Or is it?

Seriously, what would you rather hear? What would you rather have read?

If I would choose to be Arrogant Bastard #1, would I be more attractive, more virile, more appealing? More deserving of someone's insatiable sexual appetite?

If I would choose to be Humble Asshole #2, would I be less?

Do I really have to flaunt how many lips I have kissed and the amount of saliva I have swallowed in the process? How many times my dick has been sucked? By how many mouths? How many butts I have fucked? How about the amount of semen I have already ejaculated?

I would never, for the life of me, understand the inner mind-workings of a Kiss and Tell jerk. Because for me, my mantra is "Kiss, Fuck and Shut Up".

Always has. Always will be.

Beyond Reasonable Doubt

2005-06-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

I used to think the phrase 'Love At First Sight' is plain bullshit. Shallow and Superficial, that's how I would characterize the feeling and the person who's guilty of it. Pathetic, even.

Until...

I met this online friend, M, I think, two or three weeks ago? Heck, I'm not even sure. At first, I was just browsing through these photos, hoping to find people who would pique my interest. And, voila! There he was, in a sea of pictures with pseudonyms that would make your eyebrows raise from here to oblivion.

Came the usual introductions. You know, the HIs and the HELLOs. Followed by a barrage of sweet, flirtatious and nonsensical messages aimed at making the best impression. I was never the one to fall for cheesy messages. But with M, he actually had me at HELLO!!! I was Dorothy and he was Jerry Maguire? No fucking way. I'm Manic Madman. Übersmart. Gifted Child. Or so I thought.

We're presently in that stage where we have already exposed to each other a very small percentage of ourselves we shouldn't dare show or tell 'ordinary' people. Admittedly, some of his revelations make me very upset. His politics makes me vomit. But, I don't know why, in the deep recess of my heart, I feel something for him.

Now, when I think of it, I may not be guilty of 'Love At First Sight', but I am definitely guilty of a much more despicable crime - 'Love At No Sight'. Shallow, Superficial, Pathetic - help me here, I'm still thinking of words, more demeaning than the ones already mentioned, to describe myself and what I feel.

I guess I'm more deranged than I actually think I am.

Delightfully Masochistic

2005-06-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

'Twas one Sunday morning after a night of nonstop, adulterated raucous fun orchestrated by the distorted minds of my straight friends. There was gambling, booze and drugs galore. It was our Sodom and Gomorrah, without the sex.

Got home at around 8am. I knew I had way too much drugs in my system 'cause I was up and about and sleep was still a galaxy away. Fearing immobility, I decided to get my room free from unnecessary junk that has perpetually littered it since I moved into my friend's house a couple of years ago.

1st Stop: My Closet. Ta-da! The 1st thing that caught my eye was the very last thing I ever wanted to see: piles of letters, photos and greeting cards accumulated through years of taking chances at love. Chaotic as they may seem, they were arranged according to the names of the people who gave them to me.

There's this ex of mine, E, who happens to be THE one. I know you know what I meant: what we had is the one which all of my relationships, present and future, have been and will continually be measured upon.

My traitor hands instantaneously knew what to do: they picked up E's things. Knowing it's wrong and suicidal, I still opened everything up and re-read each and every card and letter. Next: the photos. The smiles, the looks and glances, the gestures... they were all there, as if suspended in time. These were my best moments, immortalized.

Then a dichotomy of emotions enveloped me. I suddenly remembered the initial attraction, the electricity that sparked brought about, at first by lust, then eventually, by love. I remembered the feeling of being in love, with someone I have this genuine desire to please, to give anything and everything for this person to be happy, at the expense of my own gratification.

Knowing that I have experienced them with someone I truly loved and knowing that they were somehow given back to me, the thought of how it ended did not even manage to diminish the bliss I was feeling. I was so happy, I almost never felt the sting that was causing my eyes to well-up. Then I realized this irony: it is possible that a happy memory may consist of tears, rejection, heartbreak and disappointment.

Sleepiness then slapped me silly. Fuck, the drugs have finally lost steam. Dead tired, I decided to give in. I began to sleep with a smile plastered on my face knowing that later, I'm gonna be waking up in a room littered with a treasury of precious memories disguised as unnecessary junk.

Then, even for just a few hours, I was in a peaceful state of mind.