Confessions Of A Manic Madman

A Collection Of Self-Indulgent Introspective Bittersweet Bullshits

Friday, October 06, 2006

As If Nothing Happened

Boy Meets Boy.
Boy Fell In Love With Boy.
Boy Had Problems With Boy.
Boys Went Separate Ways.
Typical. But you know what?
I would continue from entertaining invites to meet other people, as if they are all worthy of my precious time.
I would never stop my heart from loving someone new, as if I never got burned.
Because a failed relationship and/or heartbreak should never affect our ability to love and diminish our chances of being loved in return.
I have no desire whatsoever to talk more about what really happened. It's like I'm skipping an entire chapter from my life story. But it's okay. It's perfectly fine with me. I couldn't care less.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Hogwash 2

Last month, I said that I was very excited about the latest Madonna album 'Confessions On A Dance Floor' that's due on the 14th of this month. Well, I've heard the first single off it called 'Hung Up' where a really old Abba song was sampled and to say that I was disappointed would be an understatement. I never liked it the first time, and even after seeing on TRL the video where she made a tribute to John Travolta's Saturday Night Fever, I still find it kinda unlikeable. I hope it's just the bitchy me who's at work in here and that the reason why I hated it is simply because my taste has just took a temporary nosedive. I really, really like Madonna a lot and it would make me happy if her CD would do well.
I also just got hold of Alanis Morissette's latest CD which is actually a rehash-slash-tribute to her multi-platinum album 'Jagged Little Pill' and boy, it sucked big time. Alanis should have known better that it would be career-suicide re-doing the album. And the head honcho of Maverick Records, Madonna, very busy I guess with her new studio album, definitely made a wrong decision by giving Alanis the go-signal. Seriously, what were you two bitches thinking? The original album was an instant favorite, an instant classic, if I may say so. It showcased the musicality of a woman who was full of honesty and angst yet surprisingly vulnerable. And listening to the new album, I can't help but ask: who the fuck is this woman whining all over the place, sounding as if she was drunk or something? But to be fair, there were three, yes, only three, songs that stood out, meaning transcended their original recordings: Head Over Feet (but, honestly, I have never heard a bad version of this song), Not The Doctor and the refreshingly sweet, albeit obsessive 'Your House'. Better luck next time, Miss Morissette, but that pill was just way tooo bitter to swallow.
I posted this entry with the love of my life beside me, also busily posting on his own blogsite. I really, really love this person, he is so kind, and loving, and giving, and sexual, in random order, thank you very much. Okay, okay, I'm pathetically in love. So sue me. For all I care.
Enough said.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Meeting Jitters

October 1, 2005
2:16 P.M.
Bertrand (thru SMS) : Hi! How are you? Il be traveling for Manila by tomorrow afternoon. Il be staying for 2-3 days. If you would want us to meet, let me know. Take care.
Patrick: We'll b going 2 Bulacan 2morrow 4 d birthday of our inaanak. Bhala n. I would like 2 accompany u 2 buy pirated DVDs. What time r u arriving? Where would u b staying?
B: Il be there at around 9-10 in the evening. Will be staying at my cousin's place in Makati.
Bertrand (from Baguio City) and I (from Quezon City) entered into a long-distance relationship on July 5, 2005. He was scheduled to go to Manila and we were supposed to meet (for the first time) third week of September. But certain things and events happened that led to the demise of our relationship on September 12, 2005. So, naturally, I was surprised to find out that his trip was pushing through. And, to be honest, I was no longer excited at the prospect of seeing him in person.
4:56 P.M.
P: Lets meet Tuesday. Mga b4 lunch para mejo matagal. Punta tyo s mga pirata. Then we can have lunch and/or watch a movie s Gateway Mall, if u want. A-absent n lang ako that day.
B: Ok. Il be seeing you by then. Txt txt nlang. Take care.
October 3, 2005
9:08 A.M.
B: Manila n ako. Just aryvd lst nyt. Gud morning & hav a gr8 day ahead.
I texted back and asked him to call me at the office for details of our meeting. We decided to meet at National Bookstore Super Branch in Cubao since it is just beside Gateway Mall.
October 4, 2005
11:59 A.M.
B: Hi! Toxic p rn yata dyan. If u want we cn resked nlang.
I asked him to call me at home for some last-minute changes on the details of our meeting. He told me we would forgo buying pirated DVDs due to time constraints because we would be meeting a friend of his at a certain cafe bar in T. Morato later that night. I have also implied, indirectly though, that he should not expect anything sexual to happen between us since I won't be inviting him over to spend the night at my place.
4:18 P.M.
B: Im on my way.
P: Ditto.
4:56 P.M.
P: Where r u n?
B: Megamall.
P: Traffic?
B: Slight traffic, yes. You're there n b?
P: Yup.
5:30 P.M.
B: Im here at d entrance. Wer u?
P: S top flr.
B: Wat u wearn?
P: Just find me.
I positioned myself behind a rack of books fronting the escalator and waited with bated breath. Then it hit me. Fuck. This is it. Bertrand, in the flesh. Finally. Oh, shit.
And then I saw him.
My initial thoughts? He's not skinny. He's fair-skinned. He's cute. Oh.My.God! He is my type! And, no small thanks to me, we're no longer a couple! I'm so fucking stupid to have made such a hasty decision of letting him go.
To Be Continued.....

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


This November, Madonna will be releasing her next studio album aptly titled 'Confessions On A Dance Floor'. The title's kinda familiar, don't you think? Anyways, I can't fucking wait.
Sam, that new guy in Pinoy Big Brother sure looks hot! I'm fucking drooling. Chx, you bitch, get your hands off my property!
Bertrand (the guy I was having a long-distance relationship with) and I just broke up. But I'm not a bit sad, maybe because I know it's for his own good. Sorry if it didn't work out, hon. I sure tried my darndest best and I did love you. It's just that I'm really a dork and a jerk rolled into one. You really can't teach old dogs new tricks. Please forgive me. Better luck next time for the two of us, I guess. Again, I'm truly sorry.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Plot Thickens

A lot of things are going on at the office right now. There are a lot of movements, forward, backwards, people getting bypassed, people getting provoked, friendships getting tested and loyalties are now getting questioned. Saboteurs are having a field day.
I just hope that when all this is through, all of us would come out of it unscathed, proving to one and all that our friendships survive not just the test of time, but also the test of decency.
Friends, let us not just be happy with each other, let's also be happy for each other.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

My Top 10 List

For starters, let me say that I am not a Movie/TV Critic. But since this is my blogsite, I think I have all the right to come up with my very own Top 10 List. So here goes, in random order:
Top 10 Performances
1. Meryl Streep in Marvin's Room
2. Emma Thompson in Love Actually
3. Glenn Close in Dangerous Liaisons
4. Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting
5. Holly Hunter in The Piano
6. Natalie Portman in Closer
7. Scarlett Johansson in Lost In Translation
8. Javier Camara in Talk To Her
9. Tony Leung in Happy Together
10. Fernanda Montenegro in Central Station
Top 10 Films
1. Good Will Hunting
2. Closer
3. Happy Together
4. American Beauty
5. Serendipity
6. The Hours
7. The End Of The Affair
8. Lost In Translation
9. The Rules Of Attraction
10. Y Tu Mama Tambien
Top 10 TV Shows
1. Queer As Folk
2. Sex And The City
3. Dawson's Creek
4. Will & Grace
5. Tru Calling
6. Wasteland
7. The Amazing Race
8. Survivor
9. Temptation Island
10. F

Monday, August 22, 2005

Only Lonely

I must admit, I'm lonely. A friend is leaving town and I know I'm gonna miss him terribly. He'd definitely be back, but, still it could not suffice for the loneliness I feel. There's a song with a line that says, "being under the same sky, wishing on the same stars, looking at the same moon", or something to that effect. Whatever, i think it's bullshit. I want him here, physically present, just within reach.
Saying goodbye is like holding a double-edged sword. You can't help but cry because it hurts like hell.
Sure, you can analyze all you want, you can be presented with every possible psychobabble bullshit available to somehow lessen the pain, but, still it is an experience you wouldn't like to happen in your life on a regular basis.
Fuck. This post is making me lonelier.